Is Your Honey-Do List Making You Mad?

...No, I don't mean mad-crazy (although you may be this too...) I mean
I'm-mad-as-hell-and-I'm-not-going-to-take-it-any-more MAD!

The fact of the matter is that the Honey-Do List has created friction between men and women for as many years as we have been sharing a common dwelling space.

Just last week, the television series "House" played out this scenario when House and Cuddy woke up after he spent the night.  He wants to know if she wants to have sex.  She wants to know if he'll take out the trash.  "Oh, can't. Sorry. My leg hurts... Gotta go..." Then she discovers that he has used her toothbrush - again - after she has asked him six times not to.  The hour episode unfolds in a way that's predictable..

British author, Christopher Logue, described the dilemma when he wrote:

"If the night flights keep you awake, I will call London Airport and tell them to land their dangerous junk elsewhere. And if you fall asleep with the sleeve of my jacket under your head, sooner than wake you, I'll cut it off.

But if you say: 'Fix me a plug on this mixer', I grumble and take my time."

For the most part; men and women view the home (and all tasks associated with its upkeep) differently. 

A classic example: You come home with 62 paint swatches and are wondering excitedly what would be just the right shade of Mocha Chocolate Fudge for the accent wall in your kitchen.  You ask your husband what he thinks. He mumbles something not quite understandable. 

But what he's really thinking is: "I can't tell the difference. They (the paint swatches) all look the same to me. When am I ever going to find time to paint the kitchen? How much is all this going to cost? And what's wrong with the color it is now? I don't get it..."

And then your own personal episode of "House" starts to unfold. And we start to wonder why we can never seem to resolve our own personal drama in an hour of time. Well, probably for a million reasons; one of them being that this all goes back to how our brains are still hard-wired for survival in the hunting and gathering days.

Our brains have not yet caught up with the fact that we can buy a farm-fresh chicken and a ripe tomato at the local farmers market on a Saturday morning. So our brains make other stuff important to fill it's imaginary need for survival.

Mens' brains are still programmed to combat a large beast rushing toward them. In a rush of adrenalin, they kill the beast before the beast kills them. They bring the beast home. They eat it. (And after the discovery of fire - they eat it after the wife has cooked it.)  They take a nap. Killing a big beast can take a lot out of a man. That burst of adrenalin can leave him feeling very tired.

Womens' brains (still hard-wired for gathering) process the nuance of every berry, leaf, and grain. The color, the texture, the scent all tell her whether this food will be nourishment or poison. Once determined to be safe, she eats it (after sharing it with her family, that is.) Then she takes mental notes that will help her save time and effort in gathering food for tomorrow. She tells her husband all about what she learned that day in Earth School about "the fine art of gathering".

Man again grunts, and tries hard to get back to his nap. Tomorrow he will be forced to go out again into the hard world of "kill or be killed" if they are to survive another day.

Fast forward to your modern day kitchen and the selection of the Mocha Chocolate Fudge paint...

The woman is still "gathering" and using all of her senses to pick just the right shade that will be nourishing to her eyes or her soul or her instincts... The man sees the wall is already covered with paint and he wonders: "What's all the fuss?" In his mind, the beast has already been slain. "It's painted already." He wants to conserve his energy for the next "real" battle for survival.

So consider this a little history lesson and stay tuned as the next blog posts will delve into what we can do about this without becoming the nag, the bitch, or the drill sergeant. Trust me, this is too much information to contain within a single post.

Can't wait? Contact me and I'll share a personal tip just for you.

Be Well,

Rev. Sherry Mullins