C is for Closing the Door
Do you have kids? I invite you to take a moment to ask yourself a question.
I know how demanding it is to take care of the children. The time...the energy...the cooking...the homework...the constant chauffeur service...and the endless mounds of laundry!! Then there are the teachable moments of trying to help them figure out right from wrong and good from bad. Find time to add in your career, your house, and your many other obligations and the very thought of it all is exhausting.
So back to my question. Has taking care of the kids trumped taking care of your relationship with your spouse or significant other? I'm guessing many of you did not have to think for very long to find the answer.
So what can you do? You are not Superwoman (despite what they told you in your Women's Studies class in undergrad...)
Try this. Close the door. I was speaking with a friend who told me that since she and her husband have started closing their bedroom door at night, their relationship has improved. No; not because they have more sex, although maybe they are. I didn't ask. Rather, it is because the simple act of closing the door makes them, and their relationship, important again. In such a subtle way, it reminds them that they are a couple.
I invite you to try closing the door. Of course your children's ages and needs will shape how you can do this. If you can begin with just 20 minutes a couple of times a week, this will probably make a bigger difference than you can image. Put an age appropriate sign on the door and talk to your kids about having time for yourselves. Make the sign say something like: "Knock only in case of emergency. Emergency means fire or blood." You get the point...
I remember reading once about an adult woman who said that all of the years she was growing up, her parents practiced this principle for one hour each and every evening throughout her entire childhood. They must have done something right. Their daughter is now middle-aged, and the parents are happily married still....
Wouldn't you like to have the same?
Be Well,
Rev. Sherry