C is also for Confession... Which this sort of is...
Last week, I was sick.
I was also tired, angry, overwhelmed, and grieving.
So what did I do?
I took it out on my husband.
Oh, and then I balmed HIM like this was all HIS fault!
Shocking, right? YOU would never do this, right? Yeah, right... So I guess although many of you come to me for relationship advice, I still have a while before PBS will be calling me to join relationship gurus like Wayne Dyer on one of their fundraising specials...
But here is what I learned through this experince, and what I wish to share with you. Within about 14 hours; I realized that I had created this reality, not my husband. It did not take me 14 days, or weeks, or months, or years (like it used to.) I realized that I was "giving my husband grief" over grief that was actually my own.
Within 14 hours, I was also able to apologize. I was able to express some things that I found I was actually feeling scared about; and not angry about at all, even though I was acting like an angry person. Within 14 hours, I was able to lean on him for support instead of pushing him away and trying to deal with things on my own (which is VERY old and VERY familiar habit of mine.) Within 14 hours, I started to feel a little better.
What realities are you creating for yourself? Which of these realities are you creating over and over again, even though they may be worn and outdated? Even though they may have nothing to do with the present moment, person, or situation? What are you still blaming others for, when maybe the answers lie in taking a closer look at yourself?
It's hard for me sometimes. Maybe it's hard sometimes for you, too. If you find you need a hand to hold, you can hold mine. I may not have all of the answers, but at least we can muddle through it together.
Be Well,
Rev. Sherry
Do you have kids? I invite you to take a moment to ask yourself a question.
I know how demanding it is to take care of the children. The time...the energy...the cooking...the homework...the constant chauffeur service...and the endless mounds of laundry!! Then there are the teachable moments of trying to help them figure out right from wrong and good from bad. Find time to add in your career, your house, and your many other obligations and the very thought of it all is exhausting.
So back to my question. Has taking care of the kids trumped taking care of your relationship with your spouse or significant other? I'm guessing many of you did not have to think for very long to find the answer.
So what can you do? You are not Superwoman (despite what they told you in your Women's Studies class in undergrad...)
Try this. Close the door. I was speaking with a friend who told me that since she and her husband have started closing their bedroom door at night, their relationship has improved. No; not because they have more sex, although maybe they are. I didn't ask. Rather, it is because the simple act of closing the door makes them, and their relationship, important again. In such a subtle way, it reminds them that they are a couple.
I invite you to try closing the door. Of course your children's ages and needs will shape how you can do this. If you can begin with just 20 minutes a couple of times a week, this will probably make a bigger difference than you can image. Put an age appropriate sign on the door and talk to your kids about having time for yourselves. Make the sign say something like: "Knock only in case of emergency. Emergency means fire or blood." You get the point...
I remember reading once about an adult woman who said that all of the years she was growing up, her parents practiced this principle for one hour each and every evening throughout her entire childhood. They must have done something right. Their daughter is now middle-aged, and the parents are happily married still....
Wouldn't you like to have the same?
Be Well,
Rev. Sherry
As part of our continued growth and ongoing desire to be supportive to our couples; both before the wedding and as your marriage unfolds, we have invited a few friends and colleagues to receive our free blog updates by email.
You will get a good idea of the variety of topics we will share if you look at the Posts by Category headings located in the lower right-hand section of our main blog page. For now, you will just see titles there. In the coming days, I will be re-sorting our current posts so you can easily find these in the categries that may be of interest to you. Upcoming blog entries will also fall into these categories.
Feel free to share our blog entries by email or social networking if you wish to share something with a friend. As always, we are not trying to sell anything to you, so of course you may un-subscribe at any time. But stay with us for a bit and see what you may find; whether you are planning your wedding, newly married, or have an interest in relationships and couples.
Be Well,
Rev. Sherry